John (the MK Janitor)

Behind The Mop
John was originally just John, a creation by McDaniel. Once he, FatSatan, Brandogg and dominosr started making more stuff up about John, he became a deadly janitor, and before long, the most popular fake character of all.

How John was created, no one knows. Many legends and rumors are spread all over the web. Some say John Tobias had to work in a hospital as community service for flipping off a cop, and based the character on his experiences. Others claim Ed and his brother Mike made up John in high school to piss off Hickley, the grouchy groundskeeper who later turned out to have killed seventeen children and ate them. A few say that John and Ed made him up just after winning the annual drinking contest at the local yearly Probe picknick.

Eitherway, Ed and John were first planning a game revolving solely around John the Janitor. The name they sticked with was Mopologies: John mops ass. However, while this game design was in its infancy stage, the game Street Fighter was published. Ed and John were forced to give up their dream and make Mortal Kombat instead. But, not able to say goodbye to John, they hid him in MK... carefully, so that their bosses would never find out.

Here are all that remains of the original Mopologies: two screenshots which show the incredible 6D-graphics that were planned for John. Note: if these pics show up weird for you, it means your comp is not advanced enough. Try getting a Pentium IX with MMMX 6666Mhz and 21,341 MB of RAM. A Playstation 12 might do the trick too.

John's original 6-dimensional model

Though they were roughly shaken from their dream of making the game Mopologies, John and Ed did not give up on John the Janitor. While creating Mortal Kombat, they carefully hid John in it - and not just him, but several more characters who were never discovered.

Luckily, though it took me and friends several days of playing non-stop, we uncovered these secrets and took pictures. Near the end I was under the impression I was a Spanish ballerina and I took the local milkman hostage, but it was all worth it. Enjoy.

John was given a new storyline for MK. Though much of his story remained obscure, it was known that John used to train with the Lin Kuei. However, he was discovered by Shao Kahn and kidnapped to Outworld, where he was made a janitor...

John's MK1 bio and ending

The eyes in the background

John gives out hints on how to find him, like these:
Clean is how to find me
Look to el Soapo
Buthtab eht fo renroc
You must find me to clean me
Ammonia is the key
Waxality is the key
Scrubbing will get you nowhere

Unlocking John in MK1
First, play the game non-stop for 24 hours. You must have all flawless victories with fatalities, using nothing but block. Then, throw a chair at the screen, walk outside and bang your hand against a lamppost. When you pass out and wake up again, buy a new TV or computer screen. Play MK1 and you'll find that John's image has replaced Scorpion's.

John's Mop Impale Fatality

Test Your Mop (beat the game 7,000,005 to play!)

John's MK1 Ammonia Blast

John and Sonya in MK1
Apparently, John had an secret affair with Sonya during the first tournament. Well, not THAT secret, as these photos of them making out in the Courtyard show (pics taken by a horny monk who was hoping Sonya's clothes would tear in battle). If you unlock John, you'll also have the chance to see Sonya's secret ending - describing what she and John did after his victory in the tournament. Unfortunately, that ending is far too graphic and explicit to put on this site.

John's MK1 Sexality
Here's the answer... John had the first ever Sexuality. Notice how HumanGayrax is devastated, seeing the object of his affection proving to be straight. The full details of John's Sexuality can also be read in Sonya's secret ending, which is, as I said, too explicit. However, I can tell you it mentions spanking, whipped cream, and a horse named Joseph. Whether or not Gayrax had Sexualities, I refuse to confirm.

John's MK1 Acid Spit Fatality

Since John had obviously won Mortal Kombat, the fans were confused to see not much had changed in MKII. Didn't John win Earth for Shao Kahn? Wasn't Earth in ruins? Where was John now? More confusion erupted when two Johns were discovered in MKII, one ninja and one cyberninja. What was going on... had John and Ed lied? The answer was to come much later... in Mortal Kombat Mopologies: John. John's MK1 ending was one of two possible paths... for the janitor had rebelled against Shao Kahn and joined his nemesis, Balzax. Unfortunately, Kahn had managed to capture John once again... and force him into automation. But, John could not be caught so easily...

John's MK2 battle stance

CyberJohn lives.

The cyberninjas

John's MK2 ending

John's MK2 Mop Slice Fatality

John's MK2 Mop Impale

CyberJohn's MK2 Acid Blast

Balzax vs. John

John's MK2 Telemop

Liu Kang helps John

More of John

Mopologies is a concept by dominosr, all rights reserved. All the material and characters on this site are the creative property of their respective owners. Balzax Productions, the Mark of Balzax and all related characters and names are trademarks of Before you staple the Mopologies name to a game of your own creation, please contact the site - we're pretty anal about that stuff, see.